Some examples of why the human race has probably
evolved as far as possible.  These are actual label
instruction on consumer goods:

On Sears hairdryer:
 Do not use while sleeping.
 (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my
 hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
 You could be a winner!  No purchase necessary. Details inside.
 (The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
 Directions: Use like regular soap.
 (and that would be how?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
 Serving suggestion: Defrost.
 (But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
 Fits one head.
 (The big one or the little one?)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box):
 Do not turn upside down.
 (Too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
 Product will be hot after heating.
 (Are you sure???  Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
 Do not iron clothes on body.
 (But wouldn't that save more time? -- Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
 Do not drive car or operate machinery.
 (We could do a lot to reduce the construction
 accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off
 those forklifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
 Warning: may cause drowsiness.
 (One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
 Warning: keep out of children.
 (or pets!  What's for dinner?)

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
 For indoor or outdoor use only.
 (As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a Japanese food processor:
 Not to be used for the other use.
 (Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
 Warning: contains nuts.
 (but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
 Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
 (have a lobotomy)

On a Swedish chainsaw: 
 Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
 (What is this, a home castration kit?)

On a child's Superman costume:
 Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
 (That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief)