Well, the week has come to a close, and like many "good" things, so must
this series of postings from entrants to the 1983 Bulwer-Lytton Writing
Contest.  As a freebie in this post, the *original* "dark and stormy
night" opening, the veritable pebble that began the landslide and has
served as a beacon for aspiring writers ever since.

	It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--
except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust
of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene
lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty
flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.

					-opening sentence of *Paul Clifford*
					published in 1830, written by  Edward
					George Earle Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873)


	The camel died quite suddenly on the second day, and Selena fretted
sulkily and, buffing her already impeccable nails--not for the first time 
since the journey began-- pondered snidely if this wood dissolve into a
vignette of minor inconveniences like all the other holidays spent with Basil.

					-Gail Cain
					 San Francisco, California
					 1983 Winner

	The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post
of the warrior-chief Beast, with his barbarian tribe now stacking wood at her
nubile feet, when the strong clear voice of the poetic and heroic Handsomas
roared, "Flick your Bic, crisp that chick, and you'll feel my steel through
your last meal."

					-Steve Garman
					 Pensacola, Florida
					 1984 Winner

	She flung her feverishly disquieted body onto the cool cambric of the
Waldorf Astoria bed and knew, oh, yes, sobbingly knew that her love was lost,
so irrewinnably lost that her pearly teeth, absentheartedly in a sense, began
gnawing the silky pillow her golden dreams had so lavishly blossomed on.

					-G.E.E. Simon
					 Winterberg, Germany
					 Winner, Romance category

	"Vous etes tres formidable," she purred, and I knew right then I
should keep my eyes and ears opne and my hands and nose and throat clean.

					-William MacKendree
					 Paris, France

	I was a fifty-four-year-old male virgin but I'm all right now.
					
					-Arden Ohl
					 Modesto, California
					 
	It all started on one of those usual mornings as I walked through
Central Park with the New York Times over my head to protect me from the
pigeons' small but significant bombs.

					-JoAnn Ricks
					 San Jose, California

	The dark *can* be scary, thought Todd, if you're young, impressionable,
intoxicated, out of gas, naked, and are forced to sit on vinyl seats.
			
					- Rix Quinn
					  Fort Worth, Texas

	Seen through the stinking smoke of a smoldering straw-strewn saloon,
the setting sun looked like a sorrel sack of soggy stogies, as stocky Stanford
Stubbins, the Stanislaus Stampeder, stiffly staggered from the stuffy 
stagecoach; stonily stood in startled stupefaction; spontaneously saluted the
still standing Stars and Stripes; sternly stepped over the struggling scorpion;
silently slew the slithering sidewinder; sadly swallowed the single swig of
sickly-sweet sarsaparilla; sullenly shrugged his shrapnel-seared shoulders; 
suddenly stopped staring at the stolen stirrup; and sorrowfully saddled the 
sole survining starving stallion....

					-Jay J. Levine
					 San Francisco, California

	 "The leg, he is fractured," he said, in broken English.

					-J. Baumbardner
					 San Jose, California

	
Rules for entering the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest:

	The object is to compose the worst possible opening sentence to
a novel.  Anyone, anywhere may enter.  

	1).  Sentences may be of any length and entrants may submit more
	     than one, but all entries must be original and previously
	     unpublished.

	2).  Entries will be judged by categories, from "general" to
	     detective, western, science fiction, romance, and so on.
	     There will be overall winners as well as category winners.

	3).  Entries should be submitted on index cards, the sentence on
	     one side and the entrant's name, address, and telephone number
	     on the other.

	4).  The deadline is April 15 (chosen because Americans associate
	     it with another painful submission).


	Send entries to:	Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest
				Department of English
				San Jose State University
				San Jose, CA 95192-0090

That's it for this week.  Next week, if I can gather the material, incomplete
quotations.  For example,  the quote "the pen is mightier than the sword" comes
from a play by Bulwer-Lytton called Richelieu.  The complete quote, however is

		Under the rule of the truly great,
		the pen is mightier than the sword.

A significant difference, I think you'll agree.  Submissions welcome.
Until next time, I remain, as ever,