Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor 
manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the 
following warning labels be placed immediately on all containers: 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering 
         what the hell happened to your bra. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you 
         are whispering when you are not. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in 
         dancing like an retard. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell 
         your friends over and over again that you love them. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to 
         think you can sing. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to 
         believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to 
         telephone them at four in the morning. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think 
         you can logically converse with other members of 
         the opposite sex without spitting. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think 
         you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in 
         you getting your ass kicked. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll 
         over in the morning and see something really scary. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of 
         inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and 
         lower back. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion 
         that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better 
         looking than most people. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe 
         you are invisible. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think 
         people are laughing WITH you. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in 
         the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may 
         seem to literally disappear. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.