Date:    Tue, 16 Nov 1993 10:08:19 -0500
 Subject: Bobbitt limericks hit below the belt (tasteless) (fwd)


         Big John was a lad of great lust
         Had a wife who was filled with distrust
         One night while he slept
         With a knife, in she crept
         As a lover Big John's now a bust.

         There once was a Bobbitt named John
         Who thought he was quite the Don Juan
         His wife disagreed
         So the next time he wee'd
         John couldn't locate his wand.

         Lorena wished John could be nicer
         But he wasn't much of a de-icer
         If she finds a new spouse
         Let us hope he's no louse
         Or we might have our first serial slicer

         Big John Bobbitt might have been hipper
         Had he kept his hot hands from his zipper
         But to his wifey's dismay
         Big John leaped to the fray
         The results would have pleased Jack the Ripper.

         A surgeon was filled with great tension
         Trying to sew on a thing we can't mention
         He stitched and he sewed
         Used all the skills that he knowed
         But the wee thing won't stand at attention.

         John Bobbitt was never a loner
         In fact, he was known as a roamer
         His wife seized his prize
         And cut him to size
         Now he is his own organ donor.

         There was once a crime most venal
         One might say 'twas inches from renal
         It wasn't for sport
         That she made him so short
         Her intentions were nothing but penal.

         The Bobbitt case sure is a dilly
         Though it sounds a little bit silly
         He said she's the hacker
         Who lopped off his whacker
         She said she was only trying to Free Willy.

         There once was a man from Manassas
1        Who was fond of sleeping with lasses
         His wife had enough
         So she chopped off his stuff
         Now let's see him try to make passes.

         There once was a lady named Bobbitt
         Who got so fed up that she lopped it
         She said,  "I'm sorry, honey,
         But your conduct's not funny,"
         And she very efficiently stopped it.

         There once was a place in Virginia
         Where a gal snipped it off like a zinnia
         She whipped back the sheets
         Ignored his sad bleats
         And attacked like a professional ninja.

         John Bobbitt's detractors will scoff
         For it seems the judgment's been soft
         He's been retrofitted
         And now he's acquitted
         That's the last time he ever gets off.

 ------------------------------