Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank -- proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

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Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

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This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a huge fancy chrome plate. He asks the waiter, "Whats with the fancy plate?" The waiter replies, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!

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A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

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Two molecules are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "I'm positive!"

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Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocaine during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.