The O.J. Trial, as told by The Cat in the Hat
 --with apologies to Dr. Seuss

I did not kill my lovely wife.
I did not slash her with a knife.
I did not bonk her in the head.
I did not know that she was dead.

I stayed at home that fateful night.
I took a cab, then took a flight.
The bag I had was just for me.
My bag! My bag! Leave it be!

When I came home I had a gash.
My hand was gashed from broken glass.
I cut my hand upon a glass.
A broken glass did cause that gash.

My friend, he took me for a ride.
All through L.A., from side to side.
>From North to South, we took a ride.
But from the cops, I could not hide.

And now we've been here for a year.
A year! A year! Just sitting here!
The DNA, the hem and haw.
The circus-hype the viewers saw.
A year! A year! Just sitting here!
And lawyers charge by the hour, I fear.

If I'm found "Guilty," I'll appeal.
Appeal!  Appeal!  I will appeal!
I'll wheedle and whine; I'll cut a deal!
If it's "Not Guilty," so glad I'll feel.

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DID YOU DO THIS AWFUL CRIME?
     DID YOU DO IT ANYTIME?

     I did not do this awful crime.
     I could not, would not, anytime.

     DID YOU TAKE THIS PERSON'S LIFE?
     DID YOU DO IT WITH A KNIFE?

     I did not do it with a knife.
     I did not, could not, kill my wife.
     I did not do this awful crime
     I could not, would not, anytime.

     DID YOU LEAVE A POOL OF BLOOD?
     DID YOU DROP THIS BLOODY GLOVE?

     I did not leave a pool of blood.
     I can not even wear that glove.
     I did not do it with a knife.
     I did not, could not, kill my wife.
     I did not do this awful crime
     I could not, would not, anytime.

     I do not like green eggs and ham
     I do not like them Sam I am